Pucker Moments: Well, At Least He Trusts Me

22 08 2012

So here’s a bit of comic relief.  I was in LFR the other day running a guildy through.  Killercroc, as I’ve mentioned before, has been strictly DPS/Tank in the past.  He decided to try his hand at healing on his Paladin, so off he went to get gear.  Once his gear got good enough, I queued up with him in LFR to see how his healing was doing.  Overall?  Pretty dang good for a guy that likes to stand in fire just because he can.

So we’re on Spine of Deathwing and I’m main-tanking on my Pally (yes, I have a Tankadin).  The off-tank acted like he knew what he was doing, so I let him “handle” the bloods.  Note the sarcasm in that statement.  Not sure if he had ever worked adds before, but they were going everywhere.  Everywhere?  Everywhere.

“How did the adds get out of hand, Goose?”

Well, another ingenious thing happened at the beginning of the fight:  the DPS killed 2 tentacles at the beginning of the fight.  So once I positioned the first Amalg and got good and settled in for the spanking part of this tank and spank routine, suddenly we had another Amalg running lose in the raid.  Awesome.  So I taunted the bad boy over and, much to my pleasure, the DPS only focused on the first Amalg.  I was overjoyed.

But then I noticed a problem coming up on the horizon.  Two Amalgs, lots of dead bloods, and the main tank is usually the one to move the Amalg around to pick up the dead bloods to make the Amalg go supernova.  See the problem yet?

With the way that the bloods were currently running everywhere in the raid, and the off-tank tanking what few bloods he had ON TOP of me, I knew I wouldn’t be able to communicate any sort of battle plan with him and it work.  But then an idea hit me:  Killer is a healer…wearing plate.  And Holy Pallies don’t have to shapeshift to taunt like my Resto Druid does.  I ran the simulation through my head a hundred times and could not find a flaw.  I smiled to myself with confidence as I came over Vent.

“Killer.  Listen, I need you to taunt this main Amalg and kite him through the bloods so both of these guys don’t get the buff and destroy me.  I’ll taunt him back.”

Now, this seemed like a reasonable plan at the time, and I was somewhat surprised that Killer simply replied “OK” without a second though and hit his taunt.  Oh, hey, there goes the Amalg.  Yep, 6 stacks…8 stacks…9 stacks acquired on his way to Killer.  Wait, what?

DING!  My jaw hit the desk as I scrambled to get the Amalg back to the front of the raid after it 1-shot Killer.  I completely forgot (as did Killer) that an Amalg with 9 stacks is nothing to play around with, even for plate wearers, even in LFR.  I had a hard time apologizing to him because I was laughing so hard.

“Thanks for making me look like the jackass of the raid there, Goose,” he laughed back.  Yes, one of the healers did bring him back up, but we wiped anyway because the DPS weren’t hitting the Tendons hard enough.  Did you know that Spine has an Enrage timer?  I had no clue.  I’ve never seen the fight go on that long.  Each Tendon took two rounds to burn down.  Unbelievable.

Later that night we were recounting the story to our Guild Leader.  Killer took the time to make me feel a little better when I again apologized.

“Killer, dude, I’m so sorry, man.  I had no idea that would happen.”

“It’s funny, really.  When you told me to taunt him, I thought to myself, ‘Ya know?  That’s a pretty reasonable idea.  Why not?’”

The way he said that just cracked me up; I couldn’t even speak.  I know it may not sound as funny to someone just reading this.  Maybe it’s one of those “Had to be there” kind of things.  But I assure you, I’ve been chuckling the entire time I’ve been writing this and will likely smile every time I read it.  In fact, I look forward to running a dungeon tonight and telling him to taunt the boss, just for the laughs.

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